It's been 5 months....

And the pain is still very fresh. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the news I was given that we were losing our baby. I had to have a D&C the first week of September, and at that time I was almost 10 weeks along with our second child. There is really nothing that can prepare somebody for news like this - thank goodness John was able to cancel his trip to Waco, and go to the doctor with me.

It's amazing to find out after something like this happens to you, that it's happened to lots of people you know, but never knew about. Miscarriage is a subject that nobody talks about or acknowledges which makes it all the more difficult to go through. This has definitely been one of the most painful experiences of my life. I know that the next time I am pregnant, God willing, that I won't take a moment for granted and that I will welcome the morning sickness with open arms. Since that horrific September day, I now look at McKenna with new eyes, and I don't get quite as frustrated thinking about that baby weight that is still lingering around my mid section.

 It's very interesting how your perspective on life can change with one traumatic moment. I have much more sympathy for any woman who has lost a child, and I think I can appreciate the loss even more now that I have a child of my own.  People throw around statistics like "one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage", which I guess is supposed to make you feel better. But, it doesn't. Most people have no idea how to cope with this type of loss, much less be supportive to somebody going through it, so I have decided to include this in my blog for that very reason. A friend of mine, who has recently experienced a miscarriage herself, has inspired me to talk about it. With permission, I have included an excerpt from her blog in my entry because in my opinion, there were some things she said, that I don't think I could say any better. I want to tell her thank you for helping me to heal and for inspiring me though her words...please read below on her perspective for what to say to somebody who is having a miscarriage. I agree 110%.

"You don't have to say much, but say something. It's bizarre to go through an emotionally and physically traumatizing experience while those around you are pretending it didn't happen. It's hard to know what to say, so a lot of people don't say anything at all. Or they might be afraid to bring up such an emotional topic in public. But one of the hard things about miscarriage is that there is so little acknowledgment of the loss. And the loneliness only grows when the people around you seem awkward in your presence. "We've been thinking of you," "So sorry to hear your news," or simply, "How are you doing?" goes a long way. Those can all open up a conversation if she is in the mood to talk, but if not, it's easy for her to say thanks and move along."

"Acknowledge her thoughts and feelings. Healing after a miscarriage is like going on a bear hunt: you've just got to go through it. And getting through it is a whole lot easier when you have friends and family who will listen without judgment. Offer condolences and try to understand what she has to say, but be careful not to interject your perspective too much. You may have some thoughts that make it easier for you to process it, but there is nothing you can say that will make her feel better. It can be hard to hear that everything happens for a reason when your baby just died."

"Don't shut her out. It's okay to invite her to happy hour or even a baby shower - just let her know that you don't want to exclude her but understand if she'd rather not. You don't have to pretend you're not pregnant, but you'll have to gauge how much baby talk she's comfortable with. A big no-no is complaining about the morning sickness or 3 a.m. feedings she aches to have. I am surrounded by pregnant women and new moms right now and it makes me feel hopeful. Doesn't mean I don't get teary when a picture of a friend's newborn arrives in my inbox, but what's the alternative? Stop celebrating life and enjoying the company of my friends? That hardly seems healthy, or fair. "

I know that April 4, 2011 will be a hard day for me, but I am hopeful that someday in the near future I can be excited about welcoming a new baby into our lives. Thanks for reading.